In this episode: Season 2 opens with the moment a divorce becomes real, whether you decided to file or your spouse just told you they want out. Jon Peyton walks through the first steps in each scenario: who to call, what to gather and how to protect yourself and your children without starting a fight.
Key insights
- How the divorce starts changes the first few steps, but both scenarios lead to the same team: an attorney, a divorce financial professional and emotional support.
- An attorney maps the process under your state’s law, and the type of divorce shapes how much time and energy it takes.
- If you’ve just been told, gather every financial record you can reach within about 48 hours.
- Trading your share of illiquid assets for liquid ones can work, unless most of the household’s wealth is illiquid.
- Children of any age may need their own support, such as a child therapist.
Episode timeline
- 0:00 Season 2: more expert voices
- 1:46 Two ways the fuse gets lit
- 2:23 Scenario one: you’ve decided to file
- 3:16 What your attorney maps out
- 4:29 Choosing the type of divorce
- 6:20 Bringing in a divorce financial analyst
- 7:18 Trading illiquid assets for liquid ones
- 8:06 Building your support system
- 8:39 Scenario two: you’ve just been told
- 9:50 Take stock within 48 hours
- 10:21 Choosing the right attorney
- 13:44 Processing it with a therapist
- 14:40 Don’t forget the children
- 17:05 The next 30 to 60 days
The episode in brief
More voices this season. In Season 1, Jon walked listeners through the process himself. In Season 2 he brings in specialists, including therapists, attorneys and certified divorce financial analysts, so you hear more than one perspective. It’s general information to help you reflect, not advice for your situation.
Two ways it starts. Either you’ve decided to file, or your spouse has told you they want a divorce. Both leave people unsure how to move forward.
Scenario one: you’ve decided. By now you’ve usually done the personal work, often in therapy, and concluded the status quo can’t continue. The next call is usually an attorney, who looks at your situation through your state’s law and lays out the timeline and the mechanics: discovery, exchanging information and checking what comes back against what you gathered.
Choose the path, then plan around it. Your attorney can explain the options from Season 1: contested or uncontested, collaborative, mediation or arbitration. Each takes a different amount of energy. Plan living arrangements too. Some couples alternate weeks in the family home, especially with children; others stay under one roof in separate rooms to save money. Depending on your state, the process may take six to 12 months.
Then the numbers. A certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) can take the documents you’ve gathered for both spouses and analyze the budget, assets and costs, so you know your potential obligations and what’s worth negotiating for. If your spouse owns illiquid assets such as real estate, a business or artwork, you might ask for the liquid equivalent instead. But if most of the household’s wealth is illiquid, the other side may resist paying out the cash and keeping only assets they can’t easily spend.
Then your people. A therapist, family and friends help insulate you while you go through the process and heal.
Scenario two: you’ve been told. Jon has been on this side. Your heart races, your mind goes in fifteen directions, and you may wonder whether the marriage can be saved. For some, the news is a relief. Either way, the first move is practical: within about 48 hours, gather every financial record you can access, yours and your spouse’s, so you have real data when you meet an attorney.
Pick an attorney for your situation. An aggressive courtroom “bulldog” can signal a fight you may not want. But if the way the news was delivered suggests your spouse will contest things, you may need someone more assertive. Remember that equal isn’t the same as equitable, and that separate assets need protecting from being commingled with marital ones.
Connect your team. Share your financial data and your attorney’s guidance with a CDFA, and connect the two so everyone works from one picture. Rules vary by state: some split assets down the middle, some allow more flexibility, and some consider fault such as adultery or abandonment.
Then process it. A therapist can help you understand what happened and why, so you’re less likely to repeat the pattern in a future relationship.
Don’t forget the children. Children of any age may need help, because the family unit is all they’ve known. A child therapist can use approaches such as play therapy to help a child share feelings safely, without feeling they’re telling on a parent, and to understand that the divorce isn’t their fault.
The weeks ahead. The next 30 to 60 days can be heated as homes and routines change. Gather information logically, bring in support and understand your risks. Protecting yourself isn’t the same as starting a fight. Take the first step, then the next one.
Key action items
- Start a financial file now: tax returns, account statements, pay stubs and anything you can access for your spouse.
- Ask an attorney to walk you through the likely type of divorce, the steps and the timeline in your state.
- Connect your attorney and your financial professional so they work from the same information.
- Line up emotional support for yourself, and watch whether your children need their own.
Listen next: Episode 20: The Other Scary Seven-Letter Word… Therapy!
Jon Peyton previously held the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) designation and no longer holds it. References in this episode reflect his credentials at the time of recording, including references to certified divorce financial analysts at C-Suite Planning™.
This episode is educational and isn’t legal, tax or financial advice. Speak with your own attorney and advisers about your situation.